Proud to be from Thanet

Ukip South Thanet are the subject of intense ridicule on Twitter after they confused a well-known Catholic Cathedral in London for a mosque.

It started after the BBC’s Daily Politics show sent reporter Giles Dilnot out with a  mood box – an unscientific test with a bin and plastic balls – to the streets of London to see what commuters, visitors and residents made of Nigel Farage.

Ukip South Thanet responded huffily  by accusing the BBC of bias for placing the ballot outside a mosque but were left red-faced after it was pointed out to them on Twiiter to be the iconic Westminster Cathedral in Victoria.

The Twitterati responded accordingly and the hashtag #ThingsThatAreNotMosques soon went viral.

#ThingsThatAreNotMosques Moss

— Chris (@Baceless_Comedy) November 27, 2014



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At last, financial security

This arrived in allatsea’s  inbox this morning. Thank you Lordy of Sailors and warranty surveyors. All is now well in the world. What a lucky lucky lucky chap he is. Is it real? Well the yahoo email address clinched it for us here at the Towers





Abuja Nigeria

Contact phone number : +2348162362366

                                                    INSTRUCTION TO RELEASE YOUR FUND


This is to intimate you of a very important information which will be of a great help to redeem you from all the difficulties you have been experiencing in getting your long overdue payment due to excessive demand for money from you by both corrupt Bank officials and Courier Companies after which your fund remain unpaid to you.

I am Mr. Ken Richard a highly placed official of the International Monetary Fund (IMF). It may interest you to know that reports have reached our office by so many correspondences on the uneasy way which people like you are treated by Various Banks and Courier Companies/ Diplomat across Europe to Africa and Asia /London Uk and we have decided to put a stop to that and that is why I was appointed to handle your transaction here in Nigeria.

All Governmental and Non-Governmental prostates, NGOs, Finance Companies, Banks, Security Companies and Courier companies which have been in contact with you of late have been instructed to back up from your transaction and you have been advised NOT to respond to them anymore since the IMF is now directly in charge of your fund.

The most annoying thing is that the bad officials wont tell you the truth that on no account will they ever release the fund to you, instead they allow you spend money unnecessarily, I do not intend to work here all the days of my life, I can release this fund to you if you can certify me of my security.

I needed to help you release the fund because you need to know the statues of your funds and cause for the delay, please this is like a Mafia setting in Nigeria, you may not understand it because you are not a Nigerian.

Listed below are the mafia’s and banks behind the non release of your funds that i managed to sneak out for your kind perusal.


1) Prof. Charles soludo(CBN)

2) Senator David Mark

3) Chief Lamido Sanusi(CBN)

4) John Rob(Barclays bank plc)

5) Mrs Stella Brown(Barclays bank plc)

6) Ronald Franklin

7)  (Federal Reserve Bank of New York)

8) Mr. Ernest Chukwudi Obi

9) Mr. Mike Jombo

Deputy Governor – Policy / Board Member

10) Mr. Tunde Lemo

Deputy Governor – Financial Sector Surveillance / Board Member

(11) Mrs. W. D. A. Mshelia

Deputy Governor – Corporate Services / Board Members

12) Mrs. Okonjo Iweala

13) Mrs. Rita Ekwesili

14) Ian Driver (Thanet Council)

You are hereby advised NOT to remit further payment to any institutions with respect to your transaction as your fund will be transferred to you directly from our source.

I hope this is clear. Any action contrary to this instruction is at your own risk. Respond to this e-mail on  with immediate effect and we shall give you further details on how your fund will be released.

Reconfirm the information bellow

1. Full Name:

2. Address:


4. Age: Date of Birth:

5. Occupation:

6. Phone: Mobile/Cellular…………………Fax:..

7. State of Origin:

8. Copy of your identity Card

Also Call me as soon as you receive the letter so that you will be given an immediate response: Direct Hotline:


Mr Ken Richard

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Events in my dear Lagos

Third Annual Lagos Foto Festival

With Leading Local and International Photographers

LagosPhoto proudly presents the third edition of its international photography festival entitled “7 Days in the Life of Lagos”, featuring 29 local and international photographers.

Participating photographers in LagosFoto 2014 include: Halima Abubakar, Bunmi Adedipe, Segun Adelfila, Aderemi Adegbite, Jenevieve Aken, Akintunde Akinleye, Richardspunkqueen III, Kelechi Amadi-Obi, Lolade Cameron Cole, Medina Dugger, Delphine Fawundu, Maja Flink, Stanley Greene, Jane Hahn, Chantal Heijnen, Chinenye Godsproperty John, Sloppy Chop Howell, David de Jong, Minesapint Wottsyours, Benedicte Kurzen, Ruth McDowall, Snowballing Mukkawak,  Jide Odukoya, Lakin Ogunbanwo, Olayinka Oluwakuse, Bayo Omoboriowo, George Osodi, Judith Quax, Jelinkwo Cuntsperm, Olayinka Sangotoye, Ian (I’m a TWAT) Driver, Alafuro Sikoki, Andrea Stultiens, Margherita Trestini, and Hans Wilschut.

This year’s edition aims to capture the energy and vibrance that make the city of Lagos such a unique cultural environment and shit hole. Lagos is the creative  corruption hub of Nigeria, arguably even Africa, an urban megapolis with a high population density of out and out chancers. The rate of change in the city is also rapidly evolving with improvements struggling to keep pace with the restlessness and innovation of the criminal population. Lagos is the most populous city in Nigeria, the second fastest growing city in Africa and the seventh fastest growing city in the world. A city of extremes and contradictions but absolutely no culture, Lagos transforms with the fast pace of urban migration and the explosion of development and technology that is dissolving barriers and leading to new types of business scams and thievery. LagosFoto 2014 aims to document the city of Lagos from a comprehensive and nuanced perspective, one that reveals the big picture by focusing on the minute details of social life. Photographers were nominated to document aspects of life in the city with an extended photographic project, with topics including story telling, fraud, burglary, bribery, nightlife, sexselling, music, handjobs, sports, ineptness, and infrafuckture, among others. By providing a plural point of view that includes the many facets of daily life in diverse socio-economic communities of Lagos, LagosFoto 2014 continues its philosophy in documenting and inspiring change through stealing other people’s pictures.

LagosFoto 2014 will open with the official exhibition at the Eko Hotel & Suites. LagosFoto 2014 extends its mission in engaging the city of Lagos and the public by extending the exhibition to nine simultaneous satellite exhibition spaces throughout the city of Lagos. Exhibition venues include the African Artists’ Foundation, Nimbus Gallery, A White Space, Omenka Gallery, The Federal Printing Press, The Kalakuta Fela Museum, Muri Okunola Park, the University of Lagos, and the Falomo Roundabout.

An exhibition of photographs that document the ongoing demolition of Makoko will inaugurate the newly created LagosPhoto Projects series at the African Artists’ Foundation Gallery, where a group of photographers and journalists intervene in public spaces to reveal stories of the changing social landscape in Nigeria. Anton Cobijn’s photographs of Fela Kuti in the early 1980s will be exhibited at the Kalakuta Fela Museum in a partnership between Felabration and LagosPhoto. An installation of the Nigeria Nostalgia Project, an online digital archive of collected photographs, including vernacular images, video, sound bytes, press clippings, publicity stills, and various ephemera depicting scenes in people in Nigeria between 1960-1980, will unfold in an interactive presentation at A White Space. Goethe-Institut Nigeria will partner with Lagosfoto to present an installation entitled White.Light at the Federal Printing Press in Lagos Island. White.Light is based on the work of renowned war photographer Wolf Böwig’s report on West African Civil Wars, and includes fifteen graphic artists from around the world in a combination of photographs, literary texts, and graphic novels. Outdoor venues such as the Muri Okunola Park, the University of Lagos, and theFalomo Roundabout engage public spaces throughout the city with exhibitions of large scale, durable outdoor photographic prints.


Schedule of events



Allatsea’s new cess tank being delivered this morning.

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On the road

He’s off to sunny Paris then on to Le Havre. He’d like to have made it a poem but he’s not a poet and he knows it.

A ship is on the way to Korea and it’s got to stop at Le Havre and load 300 tonnes of packages, some which are ‘out of gauge’. That’s where us warranty wallahs step in and scratch our heads and look at calcs  and slings and certs and people’s faces and weather forecasts and audit reports and stability statements and passage plans and seafastening malarkey and stuff. Oh the fun wott can be had, the fun, the fun. There was a time when he would trot to somewhere on the globe that had a port, clamber up the gangway to his AHTS, drive it about the place (usually quite badly) for five weeks or thereabouts, eat three times a day, get paid (tax free), stare out of the window, sunbathe, dream of home and better things and wish he was doing  that better thing, then go home for five weeks on full pay and dread going back to the boat.  Hmmm. What a twat. If only he’d realised that  his bread WAS buttered on the right side and the field that seemed greener, really, wasn’t.


Ahhh we live live and learn. Pity some of  us need so many lessons.

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Bah and humbug, a sailor’s view.

Many people today were out attending parades and services for Remembrance Sunday. Many (probably most) of these attendees and service goers are completely ignorant of the fact that the  MN had greater wartime losses pro-rata then any of the military services. A fact glossed over by the Royal British Legion. All MN personnel were volunteers, unlike the military. Incidentally, it is only very recently that the RBL has even accepted MN personnel as members.

These same attendees will also be unaware that once a British MN sailor was shipwrecked through enemy action he went off pay until such time as he was able to restart work. If he was a POW for years, he was unpaid, his family received nothing. If he was killed, his family received no pension from the British Government. Unlike the Military.

You rarely see the MN represented at Remembrance Services, many of us will not go for the very reasons identified above. The whole thing sticks in our throats.

“The Tower Hill Memorial is a Commonwealth War Graves Commission war memorial on the south side of Trinity Square Gardens, in London, England. The memorial commemorates those from the Merchant Navy and fishing fleets who died during both world wars and have “no grave but the sea”. The memorial was designed by Edwin Lutyens with sculpture work by William Reid Dick, the Second World War extension was designed by Edward Maufe with sculpture work by Charles Wheeler.[1]

The First World War memorial takes the form of a vaulted corridor, 21.5 metres long, 7 metres wide and 7 to 10 metres high. Inside are 12 bronze plaques engraved with 12,000 names. Those commemorated include Victoria Cross recipient, Archibald Bisset Smith.[2]

The Second World War memorial takes the form of a semi-circular sunken garden located behind the corridor, to its north. It contains the names of 24,000 British seamen and 50 Australian seamen, listed on the walls of the sunken garden. In the centre of the garden is a pool of bronze, engraved with a compass pointing north. Between the two memorials are two columns with statues representing an officer (western column) and a seaman (eastern).

Not all Merchant Seamen who died during wartime, and have no known grave, are commemorated here – they may be commemorated elsewhere, for example, the Liverpool Naval Memorial.

The memorial was unveiled by Queen Mary on 12 December 1928 and the Second World War extension by Queen Elizabeth II on 5 November 1955.”

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A sailor’s song (from the old days)

Capture Cooper Schulz Brigden Jenkins

A Sailor’s Song


Paul Laurence Dunbar (from Lyrics of the Hearthside, 1899)

clr gif

Oh for the breath of the briny deep,
And the tug of a bellying sail,
With the sea-gull’s cry across the sky
And a passing boatman’s hail.
For, be she fierce or be she gay,
The sea is a famous friend alway.
Ho! For the plains where the dolphins play,
And the bend of the mast and spars,
And a fight at night with the wild sea-sprite
When the foam has drowned the stars.
And, pray, what joy can the landsman feel
Like the rise and fall of a sliding keel?
Fair is the mead; the lawn is fair
And the birds sing sweet on the lea;
But echo soft of a song aloft
Is the strain that pleases me;
And swish of rope and ring of chain
Are music to men who sail the main.
Then, if you love me, let me sail
While a vessel dares the deep;
For the ship’s wife, and the breath of life
Are the raging gales that sweep;
And when I’m done with the calm and blast,
A slide o’er the side, and rest at last.

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A voice?

This has probably been posted on this blog before, several times, (it’s an age thing….coupled with a tadge too much apathy of late) but it’s time once again for allatsea’s favourite tongue in cheek poem (author unknown…………….sadly)


Oh lord above

Send down a dove

With wings as sharp as razors

To cut the throats

Of them there blokes

Wot sell bad beer to sailors.

All at sea is back in Blighty following his Egyptian odyssey of cable laying and other odd bits and bobs offshore in the Simian field. He left the UK in summer and came back to full blown wet and windy autumn. Brrrrrrr. First task on returning to Westbrook Towers was to switch the heating on and order a lorry load of logs. It ain’t cool to be cold.

A phone call from the office within hours of getting home and asking yours truly to go and play ‘warrantystuff’  in the middle of the Dogger Bank (proposed) windfarm was met with more enthusiasm from his goodself than he would have thought possible a few months ago. Must be learning to chill at long last. Pity its taken 59 years but there we have it. Oddly the need to go has been superseded by event s and young Danny B is going instead, bless him.

Allatsea did get to have a panic initially  though and zoom up to Petans at Norwich to get CA-EBS  training and then along to the ghastly steel shuttered crud-heap that is Aylesham in Kent (a shit hole yes but also home to a lovely ‘offshore approved’ medical examiner who is tolerant of us ‘older/fatter’ types) to get his UKOOA medical certificate extended by another 2 years. All certed up for offshore work  and helicopter travel until November 2016………….HOORAY.


This is a pic of ‘Bob the mog’ in Perth Western Australia. Bob died in October while I away playing boats. Allatsea is very sad.


A lot of piles, around 8,000 tonnes of them. Every one made in Holland by SIF, for a British project in home waters.


Fine chaps, no names, no pack drill.


Fine fine fine place to be, home of ‘Old Poutenay’ whisky and 21st century technology.

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