Comfort shopping

One of the problems of quieter night watches is that a chap can get to be at a bit at a loss for something to do. If he’s got an internet connection and a debit or credit card handy he can do things he regrets. In allatsea’s case he’s got a bit of a weakness when it comes to seeking a bargain on Amazon. Years of fine tuning the arcane art of tinternet shopping has resulted in a critical and highly developed eye for a must have purchase. The problem lies in the number of bargains bought rather than individual costs.

A kitchen knife here, sharpening stone there, linear monitoring amplifier left, 500 gramme silver bullion bar right, 50kg of dry catfood must end soon sale, gyroscopic exercise tool closing now…….. and so on. It’s fatal. And that was just this evening. It’s all very well earning piles of wedge as a contractor but if you end up spending 80% of it on mail order silliness then there’s not really much point is there?? Cupid stunt!!

Oooh Adele’s on the radio. For a North Lundunn fat-bird she can’t half write and belt out a song. Wonderful stuff. Long may she reign.

Life seems to be chugging along OK at the moment but have to confess to be slightly miffed that that no pleadings for me to return to the folds of nobbydees, on a temporary basis (of course), have been received. Very envious of folk wot are always in demand. Ah well, there’s always the Colombian marching powder consultancy route if all else fails. ‘Large parcel to where sir? Of course! That’ll be one hundred thousand dollars please’. Hmmm, it’s a thought isn’t it. But not for allatsea. He gets sweaty and nervous if he forgets to pay the right carparking fee. International narcotics smuggling is well beyond his abilities. A litre of illicit gin proved too much at Dover once but that’s another story.
Did I ever tell you about the bush-bar girl and the chicken drumstick? Well that’s another story too and is not for these pages. Is it Peter? Or was it Wally? Long time ago, Ivory Coast, Maersk Mariner, bunker stop on the way to Pointe Noire, towing the Saipem 7000. Smuggled beer on board (that wasn’t me either, just can’t do it, can drink it though) and sailed at 0200. Spent my 42nd birthday with a 660ml bottle of Cote D’Ivoire lager. Can’t remember the brand but it tasted delicious, all the more so for being TOTALLY against the rules. Yeah, revolution was in the air in September 1997. What’s that reader? Not where you were? Yes, but you didn’t have Captain Black running things. We, no doubt you’ve guessed by now, did. Iain, if you’re looking in on this, just joking Skipper, just joking.

That trip was also the first occasion allatsea had to use a Billy Pugh to leave the vessel (as a passionate fearer of heights this was very much a chocolate spider gushing moment in his life) and also a first helicopter demobilisation ashore. The word ‘terrified’ does not do justice to the emotion felt during that 30 minute trip. He just stared at the dials on the pilot’s dashboard and prayed that the needles remain in the ‘green’ segment throughout. They did. Gratitude came to have a new meaning that day.

About allatsea

Sixty year old master-mariner. Absolutely gorgeous. Well wedged.....when compared to a Nairobi street urchin. Sorted, in that I haven't been in court recently. Hopelessly optimistic, terminally disappointed. Good with cats and other fluffy things. No musical talent. Generous to a fault provided it's someone else's round. Political centreist with far right and left viewpoints. A green activist from the hydrocarbon position with nuclear leanings. Averse to avarice but always happy to receive lottery wins, gifts, windfalls, legacies, prizes and wet sloppy kisses.
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