The two nephews have gone camping in the wasteland that is ‘outback’ Western Australia, Bro has gone to the State archery championships (he won his event last year believe it or not), mummy allatsea went for lunch at the Acorn in Birchington (she said, many, many times), memsahib allatsea went to Sainsburys with allatsea’s debit card and allatsea slept from 07:45 until mid-afternoon. He’s on nights. It was a delightful, dream filled escapist sort of sleep. The kind that has evaded him for many years. It was wonderful, much missed and very welcome.
Bolton Wanderers are in the drop zone, Reading are in the promotion zone, the Beretta 682 hasn’t been used in 8 months (tch tch), the bicycle is buried under a mound of straw & garden detritus in the shed, unloved and unused for far too long, the red car is muddy enough to convince a casual observer that it’s been off roading in a Norfolk bog…….for months, the weed treatment for the patio, front and back, didn’t work (£30 wasted there then) and, at last, the old git himself, is feeling like getting off his fat behind and doing something a bit more ooomphified. The time has come friends, the time has come.
This ooomphification manifested itself almost immediately the old git got up. A shave with the trusty old (1929 vintage) Ford and Medley straight razor. It needed a bit of a beating (so to speak) on the leather strop to whet it back to honed deathsharpness but did the job very well. A few bits of the boatrace were missing or modified by the end of the ablution but otherwise, all was well. If that ordeal can be endured with a smile and a casual toss of the head, that anything is possible. Your honour.
Watch out for tomorrow’s update where he plans to tie his own shoelaces, smile at the neighbours, be courteous to other road users and to stop being so sneery towards the Access database. It’s a big ask.