As possibly the least able aspiring guitar player in the history of kakky aspiring guitar players, allatsea has long lost any real ambition to play even the smallest and most humble stages of the music world. That said, he can still bash out the chord progression required to make ‘Bobby Shaftoe’ sound pretty well ‘full on rock’. Critics would say that even that small achievement is down to the fine and capable equipment wott he has rather than any finger dexterity or skill. Thinking about it, that’s probably true. He did get round to changing the strings on the old faithful Pacifica 112 recently ( a quick look at the grubby note stuffed behind the backplate revealed that this had last been donein December 2007…..blimey, thought it sounded a bit flat!!) and forked out on a new tuner. Seiko chromatic tuners tend to cease working when dropped 5 feet onto concrete floors, sad but true. A bit of colouration via the inbuilt amp models on the trusty Line 6 Spider III will disguise most inadequacies and worked wonderfully well for the Tower’s rendition of ‘Bobby’. X Factor it wasn’t but it made the ham-fisted chord slasher feel ‘frontman’ for five glorious minutes.
Mummy allatsea has had a new hip put in at Spencer Hospital (the private part of QEQM Margate), all done for a cool £17000 parnds of the Queens munny. Eye watering stuff. Why private? Well despite huge wallops of pain, having massive mobility impairment, and paying vast amounts of income tax, the NHS queue was miles long in her case. Hmm, all very un-impressive. Anyway, she’s out and as the private package, despite the cost, includes very little after-care, has moved into a residential nursing home in Broadstairs. Very nice it is too, cliff top location, gushy views, attentive staff and miles from an offy. Watch out for gin smuggling though, where there’s a will there’s a way. She borrowed £40 of her son this afternoon and when asked what it was for, replied…..…’To buy newspapers’. Crikey, they’re expensive papers in that part of Thanet…. unless of course they’re used to hide 1.5 litre bottles of Gordons from prying eyes. Plenty of willing ‘mules’ in her circle of nodding head sycophants. All of them un-aware that mummy can out-drink your average 120 kilo rugby forward, and some!!!
Your truly is off to norven norf Scottyland next week. Work to be done, onshore and then offshore and it’ll be some time before he returns to Fannit. Hopefully mummy allatsea will be mobile by then and the mule train will have been broken. It may be sometime before fingers can pour forth again to draft this finest of fine blogs. Aye the noo.