Being stuck out west of the Shetlands for ever and a day with a dodgy intertweb connection and no more grub for the carrier pigeons is causing a bit of a kerfuffle on the ‘comms wiv Fannit’ front. Thanks to the unseasonal near continuous Northerly winds and other irritating factors conspiring to hold things up, the rumour and gossip highway from his beloved Westbrook to allatsea’s hungry ears has been near gridlocked for weeks.
That said, the odd snippet does get through and some are even worth repeating here (honestly guvnor).
1/ Mummy allatsea has given up drinking, she says. Pause while we all fall about laughing at that nonsense.
2/ Drunkynunky allatsea, for the first time in his 76 years seems happy, content and finally at ease with what it’s all about. This is very good news. Near miraculous in fact. Thanks to Carolyn for her efforts over so many thankless years. Have been on the phone to Rome and beatification is on the way.
3/ Allatsea’s left wing and effete liberal muckers, for years scornful of defence budgets and the armed forces, seem to have been stirred, en masse, into ‘death dealing bomb the phuckers’ wallahs. Hand wringing, tear jerking appeals on public media for the PM to take warlike action. And what’s brought about this rather shocking and fundamental alteration of moral course? Our ISIS (IS) friends in Iraq and Syria, that’s what. No surprise there then.
4/ Meanwhile on the goodship ‘Bigmutha’ allatsea is finding himself caught firmly between a rock and hard place. It’s not a nice place to be. There seems to be no escape route available so there’s only one thing to do. Man up MAN up.
And that’s it for now. Please send gin………………soonest.
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