A snippet from the Lagos Press

Local Councilors  fear Gender Equality Bill will turn women to prostitutes, lesbians and carpet munchers –  her reverence Good Luck Herder

The reverent entity representing all things of self-interest, Good Luck Herder, has said the Council rejected the Gender Equal Opportunities Bill because some reverences and lesser people feared the legislation could give women unfettered freedom to engage in immoral activities.

Ms her reverence Herder said many councilors expressed deep concerns over the blanket freedom the bill would give women because many of them would ignore their immediate responsibilities of being fine wives to be and turn to prostitutes and homosexuals and other things, urging the proponents of the bill to find a way of replacing some of its languages and words of conflicting consequence.

Her reverence spoke during a forum on political rights of women in Delta District organised by the Civil Resource Development and Documentation Centre (CIRDDOC) on Wednesday in downtown Harcourt Port.

“The bill was defeated at the second reading when its details were highlighted to the councilors,” Good Luck said. “Some cuntcilors started expressing deep worries about some parts of the bill that they think could give women too much freedom and lead them to prostitution, lesbianism and other social vices. Maybe even going so far as to be interested in licking the old Jackanddanny”

Herder called on all those championing the bill to make efforts and modifying some aspects of it in order to make it acceptable to all cuncilers for enetring the back passage.

“The reason why we’re here is that we think that we should be able to restrategise, we should be able to look at the bill again and see those contentious areas we may need to modify. We should be able to find those critical constituencies within the carnsill that we must have to address.” He added, ” I have no idea what I have just said but it sounds pretty damned impressive in playback.”

“We should be able to look at the narrative of the bill and how it is being presented to the public and change that narrative and make it a positive narrative.” she said, again and again.

“For example, the bill is not a Youba versus Igbo bill. The bill is not a Vegan versus Carnivore bill. The bill is not a penis versus fanny bill. The bill simply seeks to extend to every woman all the rights that are they should enjoy. And if women by virtue of our culture, by virtue of our historic antecedents are being behind, then we need to also drag them into the economy by giving them every right that they can use to be productive members of the society and that is all that we’re trying to do. I for one will be encouraging this by opening a new massage parlour downtown just as soon as I can get the requisite wonga together. I’m also looking to recruit few more comfort ladies so please feel free to get in touch.”

“It has been rejected but we’re talking to the councilors who are supporting the bill to know how we could move forward. It’s not easy to say the bill can pass tomorrow, but we will continue to plead with other members for their support on this bill, we need to get the new business venture up and runnin just as soon as we can. There’s a lot of dirty water out there that needs to be relieved, if you get my drift.” she explained.

“Since we’re doing constitutional review, I will advise that we find a way of putting this bill directly into the Gravy Train Trough because if we just make it as part of electoral law, it could be challenged by anyone with half an education and laughed at out of hand. The whole object as far as I’m concerned is to get things in hand and not out of hand.”

 The bill, which has continued to stoke widespread emotions amongst women, was introduced by Eyesea Opperchoonist and it aimed to achieve, among other purposes, equal access to happy-endings, strengthening of the laws on violence against socialists, ending abduction of underage children, sustenance and promotion of entrepreneurship opportunities, gender mainstreaming and gender equality, as well as female ownership in the adult entertainment industry”.

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About allatsea

Sixty year old master-mariner. Absolutely gorgeous. Well wedged.....when compared to a Nairobi street urchin. Sorted, in that I haven't been in court recently. Hopelessly optimistic, terminally disappointed. Good with cats and other fluffy things. No musical talent. Generous to a fault provided it's someone else's round. Political centreist with far right and left viewpoints. A green activist from the hydrocarbon position with nuclear leanings. Averse to avarice but always happy to receive lottery wins, gifts, windfalls, legacies, prizes and wet sloppy kisses.
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